There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
