theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
