you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
