I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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