some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
