I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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