Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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