If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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