remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
