She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
