Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
