I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
