and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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