I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
