When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
