True but thats because hes a fetus.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
