Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize