i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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