I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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