I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
