Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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