ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
