Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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