Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
