never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's official drugs can't kill me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
