counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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