have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
