Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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