Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
