So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize