4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
