oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
