He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
