Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
