Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize