I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
