Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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