i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
