dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
