I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
