but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
