it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
