Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
