I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
