M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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