"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
