who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
