Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We are all done wearing pants today
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
