so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
