i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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