i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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