dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
