My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
