should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
