why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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