please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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