No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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