ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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