i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
