this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
