K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
