I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
