Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
