and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
