I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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