my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
