Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just threw up on my dentist
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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