Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
