Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
