I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
