What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
