I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
