my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These tits shall not be calmed
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