if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
