I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
