i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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