Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
