yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
