Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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