I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
True strength comes from lack of pants
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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