I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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