he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
