I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
