the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
