i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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