I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
