I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
