he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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