Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
