this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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