thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
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