Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
