my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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