I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Randomize
