i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
