Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i believe in u and ur pee
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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