just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
