bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
