We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
