Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
