I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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