my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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