When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All the doctor said was why
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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