Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
