you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
