I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize