You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring me the toilet please
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
