plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
