'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
