It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
