Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
