First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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