Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
