Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
