Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
