so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
