Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize