puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
