Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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