She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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